| There's this guy who lives across the
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| | street at speeds no one should be able to
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| street from us who we have renamed Wet
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| | drive a VW, but he does anyway. My wife
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| Lips. When we are in a really
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| | knows when he is coming long before he
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| lighthearted mood, we refer to him as
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| | turns off the main road and onto our
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| Puffy Wet Lips. This gomer is in his late
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| | street. Then he cuts the wheels suddenly
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| 60's to early 70' and has a body like Mr.
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| | to the left in directly front of our
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| McGoo and lips like Angelina Jolie's. I
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| | window and doesn't so much drive into the
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| mean they are two huge puffy red and
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| | parking space as flies into it as though
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| unnatural things that look like a pair of
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| | shot out of a rocket launcher.
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| slugs. I keep waiting for them to take
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| | Then, he backs up. Then he goes forward.
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| off in a race around his little head at
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| | Then he backs up. Then he goes forward.
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| any moment. Actually, he looks more like
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| | Then he backs up. Then he goes forward.
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| that toady little man with the
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| | He does this exactly five times. And,
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| horned-rimmed glasses and freaky,
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| | each time he backs up, he comes within
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| scratchy voice who used to be on
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| | inches of our bedroom window and fills
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| LateNight with David Letterman and whose
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| | our house with carbon monoxide. Once he
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| name I can never remember.
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| | is Obsessively- Compulsively satisfied
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| Anyway, Wet Lips drives this ancient VW
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| | that the car is snugly into his slot,
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| Bug on which he has to rebuild the engine
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| | then he hammers down on the accelerator
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| each Saturday. I think it had to be one
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| | while foraging about for one of those
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| of the very first Volkswagens Bugs every
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| | red-barred things that lock the steering
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| built. Somehow, he got it into Mexico
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| | wheel up so no one will steal his machine
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| after taking it from Hitler right after
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| | of asphyxiating death.
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| the war or something like that. Wet Lips
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| | (As if someone would want his bomb that
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| keeps running this "car" when he should
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| | belches foul-smelling blue smoke!)
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| show some humanitarian kindness and have
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| | All the while, Larry Lead-Foot is
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| it put down.
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| | hammered down on the gas pedal and we,
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| Wet Lips drives this car endlessly,
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| | well, we start walking all wobbly, start
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| relentlessly, and stupidly. We live on
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| | falling down a lot, and begin seeing
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| the end of a dead-end street and "Puffy,"
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| | things that are not there.
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| as we are wont to call him, comes in and
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| | I have got to suppress the urge to go
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| out of his little cochera (carport)
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| | outside, drag him from his car, and hold
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| dozens upon dozens of times a day. The
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| | his mouth over the exhaust pipe and
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| man is a maniac. No one has to use a car
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| | screech like a madman, "How's that
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| that often anywhere or for anything that
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| | tasting for you, Puffy?"
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| many times a day. But, he evidently has
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| | I truly do not get what possessed
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| many places to go and many people to see
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| | Mexicans in this town to get cars in such
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| each day. When he makes his frequent
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| | environmental-destroying abundance. Those
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| trips, we always know it because he parks
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| | who have cars, and sometimes more than
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| the Blue Beetle right in front of our
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| | one, are beginning to have the same
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| bedroom window.
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| | obesity problems that Americans,
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| Here is how the man parks his car. His
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| | Canadians and now many Europeans are
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| little carport is exactly three meters in
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| | suffering.
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| front of our bedroom window. We know this
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| | They will get into a car to drive two
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| distance for a fact because one time,
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| | hundred yards all in the name of "Car
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| last summer, someone tried to blow up a
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| | Ownership Convenience" when they could
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| taxi across from our window by setting it
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| | walk! So badly is car ownership coveted
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| on fire and that's what motivated us to
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| | that the payoff for having a car far
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| take scientific measurements. The flaming
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| | outweighs affording their kids clean air
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| taxi was right next to Wet Lips' car.
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| | and a healthier body by walking rather
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| Nothing happened to the VW
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| | than motoring.
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| (unfortunately) but the cab was toast.
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| | That is a mystery to me!
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| So, here comes Wet Lips tearing up the
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